Chemo Sesh #5: The Cuter Valentine’s Day Post

My how a difference a week and some blood levels make. I had my final in-patient IV chemo session last night (2/15/15), right before a super romantic Valentine’s Day celebration, and I feel totally fine today. The chemo was the normal stuff I’ve been getting for the last few weeks, but with some thoughtful little Valentine’s Day decorations to cuten up the death chemical applicators. RN Kaitin really made my night with those. She’s the best. 

The drugs were the same, though my physical reaction was much less severe this week. I did not wake up in the throes of an existential panicmelt this morning, nor am I experiencing much of anything other than slight fatigue. All there is to report on is a whole bunch of bed sitting and Sunday relaxing…which I feel like I pretty god damned well deserve!

 Despite the uneventful chemo session, there is a story in the circumstances because it was Valentine’s Day! Chemotherapy doesn’t exactly scream sexytime-romance to anybody… Well, actually, Official Rule of the Internet #36 states: “If somebody has thought of it, there is a fetish for it. No exceptions.” So there is at least one sexual deviant out there who is reading this while having a Daunorubicin Hydrochloride-lubed party in his bathing suit area….

Regardless of that unsettling imagery of morbid handfun, I am happy to report that Liana and I were more than able to make do with the cutesy stuff on our first Valentine’s Day together despite having so many limits placed on us by our situation. Our ability to make do with such circumstances is at the forefront of reasons why I know that she and I are as perfect for one another as two people can be.

 Were I NOT currently serving several weeks in the Cancer Hut, (don’t even consider the concept of “conjugal visit trailer,” I’m not even allowed to LOOK at another human’s skin, let alone experience actual contact) I would have gone all-out on the romance. Yeah, it’s a stupid hallmark holiday, and I can be awfully cynical about this side of our consumerist culture, but I still find some value in participating. It’s a silly culture, but it’s ours, so why not just let go and enjoy it sometimes, damnit? I probably would have spent an inordinate amount of money at a specialty grocery store and busted my ass making an over the top dinner for us to enjoy in my apartment rather than go out for the evening. My kitchen was the place that I initially tricked Liana into liking me, so it would be a fitting place to maintain the charade on V-Day. There would have been flowers and candles everywhere, and I would have insisted upon dressing up for the occasion. I would have even bought a pretty red bow for Ruby to wear (eat>vom). It would have been razzle dazzle charm all night…. but then I had to go ahead and get CANCER and ruin it before I even had a chance!

 It took some outside-the-box planning, ingenuity, and a lot of much appreciated help from the hospital staff, but Liana and I were able to have a truly special first Valentine’s Day celebration together regardless of how much we had to make do.

 I greeted my stunning date at the door in my classiest red fleece lounging jacket, ascot on full display a la The Continental.

“Good evening, my Sweet! You look absolutely stunning tonight! The bright yellows of your hospital gown and mask creative such a lovely contrast with the baby blues of your rubber gloves. Please allow me a moment to catch my breath!” I was truly flustered.  

My beautiful date walked into my carefully curated love chamber to find that fifty LED tea “candles” had been strategically placed for optimum mood lighting. It wasn’t the warmest ambiance, but it put us both at ease as we made ourselves comfortable on the industrial hospital room furniture.

 

Liana then presented me with a beautiful bouquet of handmade flowers that she expertly crafted earlier in the day (with Ruby’s help).

This is a flower free oncology unit so the handcrafting was as necessary as it was wonderful. She constantly blows me away with her talent and creativity.

 

The gorgeous micronesian heart/shell ornament was sent to us all the way from Guam by Liana’s mom’s lifelong friend. I told her I’d be saving her a dance at the wedding.

We were at the whim of the hospital cafeteria’s timing for our dinner so we exchanged gifts as we waited for our food to arrive. I have been taking Ambien every night to fall asleep (to counteract the prednisone steroids that I have to take every day) for the last few weeks so my hospital room has been entirely boobie-trapped by the several Ambien Walrus purchases that I was forced to make. If you’re not familiar with The Ambien Walrus, he’s the mischievous guardian angel that influences you after you take narcotic sleep drugs.

 

The Ambien Walrus had been guiding my Amazon.com fingers late at night and greatly assisted me in participating in the most important part of Valentine’s Day: BUYING SHIT FOR YOUR WOMAN. 

I got us a cute little pic-a-nic basket to use on short hikes/park events because picnics are romantic, fuck you. I also picked a few things off of Liana’s Pinterest Board that she wanted.

Speaking of, the most valuable advice I have for every man in the world today is to LOOK AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S PINTEREST PAGE. It is just a list of things that she wants, colors and sizes already chosen, that you can reference whenever gift giving is encouraged. It’s a good boyfriend’s best friend.

The material consumer items that we exchanged were completely eclipsed by the homemade card that Liana gave to me. It contained the lease to the amazing house that we are going to be renting together shortly after I bust out of this infernal C-Hut.

It perfectly symbolized the clasp of our hands as we took this massive life step together; a truly major moment of communal excitement in our relationship. The card also contained a personal message that made me happier than literally anything I’ve ever read before in my entire life as well, but that’s for me and not you. DEAL WITH IT.

 :A knock at the door:
“Room Service! Your Dinner has arrived!” Our waiter set the table and removed the plastic food lids to reveal that the kitchen had gone completely out of their way to make us a very special dinner. Cloth placemats on the plastic trays, a small fake flower display and a complimentary bottle of sparkling cider with plastic flutes adorned our meal. It was all a very lovely premeditated surprise put together by the hospital’s amazing food service department. I really can’t say enough about the quality of care I’ve been given here at Presbyterian St Luke’s.

We had the surf and turf which consisted of grey-all-the-way steak of undeterminable cut (food-borne bacteria is highly forbidden when you have no immune system) and a piece of salmon as colorful as a chalk body outline, but it totally hit the spot. Had I designed the menu, there would have been an herb-butter-basted, cast iron skillet seared, dry-aged porterhouse topped with butter poached lobster, sided with a light broccolini risotto… but we can save that for our anniversary dinner. We topped it all off in the classiest of fashions, as Liana contributed some fancy-shmancy Godiva Truffles for us to enjoy for an elevated dessert. But in all seriousness, I am absolutely not complaining at all about the food. It was as perfect as possible, and the kitchen’s extra effort was one of the nicest things a stranger has ever done for me. Nothing but gratitude for the hookup!

After dinner we two love-birds curled up on my super sexy (and fully adjustable!) hospital bed and cuddled as much as our circumstances allowed as we watched a very hipstery non-rom-com, 500 Days of Summer. The movie takes place in LA, which is Liana’s city, and the opposite of my kind of city, so I was given a brief glimpse into something about her that I had previously known little about. As a Geographer places are very important. Places, especially cities, provide a huge definition to people, so being able to watch a movie that is very much about LA (a city that formed Liana’s identity for over a decade) with her was very meaningful to me.

 

Our evening of Valentine Romance ended with the saccharine innocence of a full body hug that you give to your first puppy love as you depart each others’ company for that first time after realizing, “Oh wow! We totally like each other!” I don’t often get butterflies in my stomach anymore, but this moment had my insides aflutter. It’s nice to know that this is possible regardless of even the most canceriest of circumstances.

 I hope that this post doesn’t come off as self indulgent as it felt to write, but after yesterday’s over-intellectual treatise on Love, Cancer and Cosmic Existentialism I figured we could all use a happy snuggle story to wrap up the weekend. Liana is the love of my life, and there isn’t a dangerously mutated molecule in my body that will ever get between she and I.

I hope you all were able to have at least an equally wonderful Valentine’s Day with your loved ones last night, and I really hope the theme of your night was more along the lines of “make goo” than “make do.”

 

And that’s now you end an article with a TROLL. Gotcha!